Baddy + Superhero = Peace

This Friday night (or Saturday morning rather), my respect for my boss grew significantly. I won't look at him again in the same way. A wee boy (wee means little, commonly used Scot'ish word) like myself would never have dared tug thug X on the shirt out of Peniwok. Our wee Chinese Takeaway is popular among many citizens of Penicuik, a wee city south of Edinburgh - young & old, drunk & not drunk.

Okay, tonight, as I was doing my job taking orders from this man called thug X (not his real name of course; he looked like one of those typical bad guys you see on television; bald, muscley, with a murderer's eyes; in fact he resembles the wrestling star Stonecold Steve Austen), idiot A (possibly drunk) started to take a flower pot off the window sill and act stupid. Thug X was not happy and grunted at him, hence the idiot, like an obedient boy being reprimanded by a schoolteacher, obediently put the flower pot back and went to sit down quietly whilst waiting for his Chips+Curry in a Long Tray (this is so popular among Penicuik teens). Before I could return thug X his £3.60 change, he had returned his attention to idiot A, confronting him centimetres away, grunting away again in his anger.

A fight seemed inevitable at that point. I was contemplating whether to say 'Please take it outside' or 'Stop or I'll call the police!' 'Please don't fight' seemed as useful as 'Do you want BBQ sauce with your Chips and Curry?' I kept silent, fearing the worst - getting a blow to my face seemed likely, given that thug X is unreasonable, hence his name. Instead, I decided to shout for help from my boss, the manager of the shop. Whenever problems arose, he was my first port of call. Problems range from wrong orders to complicated customers with complicated orders. Tonight, this was a new problem for me, but not for my boss.

By the time my boss arrived at the scene of pre-murder, at least 5 punches had been punched at each other's faces. Unsurprisingly, thug X had started throwing his fist first. Idiot A had naturally fought back. His friend Boy B (not quite an idiot), in Idiot A's defense, tried to pull them apart and got a horrid blow on the face as well. The situation began to look hopeless, and it looked like the only way their fight would end would be in old-fashion style - loser(s) dies. Diplomacy was out of the question. Bodies were thrown all over the room, and the shop counter almost went. My boss took control. He seized the baddy thug X by his stinkin' shirt and dragged him forcefully, slowly but surely out of the shop, while the thug's limbs were intertwined around Boy B's neck, with Idiot A stuck in between. I suddenly remembered what my Shukokai Karate coach said about real fights - they don't look as stylish as what we see in the movies.

A couple who witnessed the entire row then caught my attention, 'Ah where were we, honey, what do you want to eat tonight?' 'My love, shall we try Chicken Chow Mien and Singapore Fried Rice?' They were talking to each other of course, not me.

I was so relieved that my boss returned unscathed into the shop. What a brave man!...I thought.

'It's like get'ing away with murder' (Scottish accent: say mur ther sounding like two separate words) is a typical Scottish expression, I think - I've heard at least one Scot say it. Well, tonight came close to it. Phew! Feels good to be on the peaceful good side. Oh, I did not manage to finish reading The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe from The Chronicles of Narnia tonight. The shop was too busy - with emotion and commotion. Grow up boys! And we weren't even in a bar.

Stay tuned to see what happened to them... and the £3.60 change!